Today I've finally decided to start blogging....something I've been thinking about and wanting to do but just haven't. I don't even know why I want to blog...however, I know that there are things that I want to say to God.
There is a great deal of turmoil in my heart right now and has been for most of y life. It is my prayer that maybe through writing my thoughts that God will break through my hard, confused heart and help me to know His amazing mercy and grace and believe in Him and live through Him the way I so desire. I am so unhappy and have been so depressed....off and on so many medications...and I am so tired of taking a pill to try to get relief from my own bad thoughts and perceptions and that God will just take over for me and cleanse me of doubt, worry, and fear. I pray that HE will fILLl me with love and completed faith and dependence on Him to carry me through and somehow in the short time that I have here on this earth that I will be able to make up for the sinful life that I have lived before my husband and children.
I do pray for healing of my heart..bitterness...jealousy...envy...pride...self-righteousness...greed..selfishness...anger...hatred...idolatry...vanity..and all other virtues that are not what God wants in me. I want to believe with all my heart that He loves me and hears my cries for mercy and grace. I want to be able to love others with a godly, unconditional love that others can you Jesus through me. That's what I want so badly...I think I could be content..I pray so and if not, then I pray God will give me what I need to love Him more.
